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You Get What You Get



AI is quickly changing the dynamics and expectations of many professional relationships. More than ever, we have recently been receiving inquires from our clients about information that they found online. Our first response is always, please let us know how your phrased your inquiry. Depending on how they phrased the question, the answer may be totally inaccurate or incomplete. Even when the answer is fairly accurate, AI does not take into account any personal, specific, often important details, of the individual case. AI also does not provide the perspective of any professional based on experience and (in our case) how that law really applies.

While writing this newsletter, we posed multiple inquires of a seemingly simple question, “What is pink?” Depending on which AI tool was used and how the question was framed, the answer was slightly different: some discussed the range of color, others the symbolism, as well as references to the singer and popular clothing line. Overall, there was no consistency in the answers and changing the language in the question even slightly changed the response generated.

We have recently heard that certain AI platforms will be limiting legal advice and we’re thrilled. We challenge you to look up “Does AI give legal advice?” When you scroll down, the overview answer (as of the day that this was written) is that it provides accurate advice 34% of the time. To us, the platform seems more detrimental than helpful especially where an informed user might assume that the content is accurate and, in our opinion, the only thing worse than no knowledge is incorrect knowledge.

We are not trying to tell you never to use AI; the platform definitely has it’s positives and uses. If you decide to use AI, you should be doing so with an abundance of caution and extremely careful regarding input of information. Simply put: you get what you get.

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The Rain.

Hear us out on this one: songs about breakups and cheating are some of the most popular and best ever written. If you so a simple online search, the lists are endless.

“The Rain”  by  Oran Juice Jones came on a few days ago and it was an instant catapult back to middle school.  Although it is probably not one of the greatest songs of all time, it was definitely an anthem in the 80’s:

While listening (and singing really badly), the adult, family law attorney kicked in and started thinking about all of the great songs written about infidelity. Here are some of our favorite songs (in no specific order) about cheating on your spouse:

1. Jolene by Dolly Parton
2. Girl Crush by Little Big Town
3. Lucille by Kenny Rogers
4. Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood
5. It Wasn’t Me by Shaggy
6.  Hit ’em up Style by Blu Cantrell
7. You Ought to Know by Alanis Morissette
8. Cry Me a River by Justin Timberlake
9. Creep by TLC
10.  You Know I’m No Good by Amy Winehouse

Which is your favorite on the list above and in general? You know we love to be introduced to new music!

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Bye, Bye Love.

Someone recently asked if divorce is actually detrimental to children. After some thought, the response was “No, not necessarily.”

Most children of divorced parents will admit that they were not surprised by the divorce. They remember parents fighting or not spending time together as a family. Is it often crushing when they realize that their parents will not be reconciling and getting back together? Sure, but most children just want to see their parents happy.

It’s not that children are not effected by their parents separating, but moreso that the horror stories that we often hear are actually related to what happened after the separation.  Simply put, it’s the parents.

Some thoughts on how maintain a close relationship with your children after divorce:
1. Compromise with your co-parent whenever possible;
2. Spend quality time with your children when you have them;
3. Use only positive words and tones when speaking about your co-parent especially when in the presence of the children;
4. Be careful what you post on social media;
5. Use caution when engaging in family texts because things can elevate quickly and your children should not be involved in any adult conversations or drama;
6. Do not take the advice of anyone who is not a family law attorney about what the “right” thing to do is procedurally. People often have the best intentions, but every situation is unique; and
7. Consider engaging a couples or family therapist to help guide better overall communication.

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Stuck With You.

Can you imagine purposefully living with your ex after you’ve separated? It’s not uncommon for couples to live together during the separation process, but cohabitation after the divorce is final has historically been very rare.

Prior to Covid, we can remember only one couple that lived together post divorce. The husband wanted to keep the marital home but he was unable to buy out the Wife’s share of the equity at the time of the divorce; typically, in this type of situation, the home would have typically been listed for sale but the wife graciously agreed to wait until after her 99 year old father in law, who also lived there, passed or was otherwise relocated. *

While this type of situation is still very rare, some couples do consider some form of cohabitation post-divorce. We recently worked on an agreement where the parties alternated use of the marital home depending on who had parenting time. We’ve also created agreements for parents who intend to live together so that they both could be physically present on a daily basis. While we always love the idea of providing a united front to the children and keeping things are “normal” as possible, we haven’t found any research to support whether these situations are actually in the best interest of the children.

If parties are going to even consider cohabitation post-divorce, there need to be some well established ground rules. How long will this arrangement last? What happens if one person decides that they no longer wish to cohabitate or wants to buy out the other? Who is covering each specific household expense? Who will be responsible for household chores? Will one parent be paying child support during the cohabitation period? Will they be able to problem solve and communicate better once divorced? What will happen when one person starts to date?**

There are a multitude of reasons that people consider cohabitation post-divorce, including:
1. The transition from a two income household is not always easily manageable if both parties are not self sufficient (with or without child support or alimony);
2. One party may have credit issues which may effect their ability to buy or rent; OR
3. Suitable housing may be difficult to find, especially if a person is hoping to remain in the same school district or needs an apartment with more than two (2) bedrooms.

While these reasons (and others) are certainly understandable, the traditional options are still the default: either you list the house for sale or one party buys out the other by giving them a portion of the equity in the marital home.

As always, we welcome your thoughts our newsletter or answer any questions!

Regards,
Faye & John



* In this case, waiting actually increased the value of her equity in the home due to the spike in home values during this period.

** Do you remember this scene from The Break Up? Ironically, this is probably the least uncomfortable and complex situation that might occur:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NoXW_FZtCO4

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