Bye, Bye Love.

Someone recently asked if divorce is actually detrimental to children. After some thought, the response was “No, not necessarily.”

Most children of divorced parents will admit that they were not surprised by the divorce. They remember parents fighting or not spending time together as a family. Is it often crushing when they realize that their parents will not be reconciling and getting back together? Sure, but most children just want to see their parents happy.

It’s not that children are not effected by their parents separating, but moreso that the horror stories that we often hear are actually related to what happened after the separation.  Simply put, it’s the parents.

Some thoughts on how maintain a close relationship with your children after divorce:
1. Compromise with your co-parent whenever possible;
2. Spend quality time with your children when you have them;
3. Use only positive words and tones when speaking about your co-parent especially when in the presence of the children;
4. Be careful what you post on social media;
5. Use caution when engaging in family texts because things can elevate quickly and your children should not be involved in any adult conversations or drama;
6. Do not take the advice of anyone who is not a family law attorney about what the “right” thing to do is procedurally. People often have the best intentions, but every situation is unique; and
7. Consider engaging a couples or family therapist to help guide better overall communication.

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Cheetah.



Rewind to about two weeks ago…. pick number three in a draft for a fantasy football league… 60 seconds to make a final decision…

Conventional wisdom would go for Hill but something kept telling me to go for CeeDee Lamb. Given Tyreek’s off the field reputation, my co-owner and I had been discussing for a few days how we felt about drafting him, given the strong potential that he could would not be on the field at some point due to unpredictable legal issues.

Fast forward to the first game of the season and a few hours before kickoff, video started to circulate of Tyreek Hill on the ground, in handcuffs. Selfishly, there was a moment of panic that Tyreek was not playing, but he made it to the field with plenty of time prior to kickoff.

As it often does, sports has provided an opportunity to turn this into a teachable moment in several ways:
1. One my kids did not previously understand that a traffic infraction is not “trafficking.” Big difference there. Apparently, that language distinction was not clear within his friend group text (probably Snap) chain so hopefully they all now understand the distinction.
2. There is also a difference between being “detained” and being “arrested.” When someone is detained, they are being held temporarily, usually for the police to calm a or take charge of a situation; however, the event does not necessarily lead to an arrest or criminal charges. When someone is arrested, they have been charged with a criminal act and will likely be prosecuted. Unless criminal charges follow at some point, Cheetah was merely detained.
3. Life is messy and there is not always an easy answer. There are always two sides to the story and, often, we have to piece together a puzzle. Since the event, the dash cam footage has provided more insight into the event:
Miami-Dade police release body-cam footage of Tyreek Hill being handcuffed and detained (youtube.com).

As always, we are happy to answer any questions that you might have regarding this newsletter or any other legal matters.

Regards,
Faye & John

* This newsletter is dedicated to the Twins, who beat us in the first week. From the basement to the top of the mountain, ladies!

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Stuck With You.

Can you imagine purposefully living with your ex after you’ve separated? It’s not uncommon for couples to live together during the separation process, but cohabitation after the divorce is final has historically been very rare.

Prior to Covid, we can remember only one couple that lived together post divorce. The husband wanted to keep the marital home but he was unable to buy out the Wife’s share of the equity at the time of the divorce; typically, in this type of situation, the home would have typically been listed for sale but the wife graciously agreed to wait until after her 99 year old father in law, who also lived there, passed or was otherwise relocated. *

While this type of situation is still very rare, some couples do consider some form of cohabitation post-divorce. We recently worked on an agreement where the parties alternated use of the marital home depending on who had parenting time. We’ve also created agreements for parents who intend to live together so that they both could be physically present on a daily basis. While we always love the idea of providing a united front to the children and keeping things are “normal” as possible, we haven’t found any research to support whether these situations are actually in the best interest of the children.

If parties are going to even consider cohabitation post-divorce, there need to be some well established ground rules. How long will this arrangement last? What happens if one person decides that they no longer wish to cohabitate or wants to buy out the other? Who is covering each specific household expense? Who will be responsible for household chores? Will one parent be paying child support during the cohabitation period? Will they be able to problem solve and communicate better once divorced? What will happen when one person starts to date?**

There are a multitude of reasons that people consider cohabitation post-divorce, including:
1. The transition from a two income household is not always easily manageable if both parties are not self sufficient (with or without child support or alimony);
2. One party may have credit issues which may effect their ability to buy or rent; OR
3. Suitable housing may be difficult to find, especially if a person is hoping to remain in the same school district or needs an apartment with more than two (2) bedrooms.

While these reasons (and others) are certainly understandable, the traditional options are still the default: either you list the house for sale or one party buys out the other by giving them a portion of the equity in the marital home.

As always, we welcome your thoughts our newsletter or answer any questions!

Regards,
Faye & John



* In this case, waiting actually increased the value of her equity in the home due to the spike in home values during this period.

** Do you remember this scene from The Break Up? Ironically, this is probably the least uncomfortable and complex situation that might occur:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NoXW_FZtCO4

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Hi. I’m Batman.

 

Much to our disappointment, we are not actually Batman and Robin. We do not have x-ray vision, we can’t fly and we also can’t shoot webs at people to stop them in their tracks. Unfortunately, a “Power of Attorney*” has nothing to do with having super hero powers; it does, however, allow people to help you in your time of need.

Most people think about a Power of Attorney only being active when you are unable to handle matters on your own; to the contrary, it can be used when you don’t want to handle matters on your own. Think about these typical situations:

1. You have a financial account but you partner, daughter or nephew is more financially savvy than you. If you give the financial institution your executed document and a quick verbal confirmation that the document is still active, they are able to engage in conversations or perform transactions on your behalf.**
2. Your child reaches the age of 18. If you were to call your child’s college or university to discuss something, even tuition payments, the administration has no obligation to talk with you. Similar to above, an executed Power of Attorney and quick confirmation will allow for communication to occur between you and the administration.
3. Selling a house. This situation is usually slightly different because a Limited Power of Attorney is typically used rather than a “durable” one. The limited version only allows the person to help you for specific purpose rather than a more broad ability. We routinely have our sellers sign a Limited Power of Attorney so that we can sign closing documents on their behalf.

As always, please let us know if you have any questions or concerns about this or any other matter.

Warm regards,
John & Faye

* This refers to a Durable Power of Attorney.
** This can also be accomplished by having the person listed as a co-owner of an account; however, once the person is a co-owner, they also have inheritance rights to that account.

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