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A Solid NO.

Pretty much every time that we talk about child custody or parenting, the phrase “Best Interest of the Child” is either uttered or written. IF you have been divorced within the last decade or so, you have attended a parent education class which focuses on co-parenting.

 

We can actually tell a lot about our clients depending on how they react to the parenting class. Great parents seem to take the class hoping to gain some ideas and bad parents often think that they information doesn’t apply to them.

 

The principles should be basic but we want to share them nonetheless. If you are a co-parent, there are things that you should never ever do:

1. Never talk negatively about your co-parent. Your child loves both parents and, if you talk trash about their other parent, they will potentially internalize it as disapproval of who they are as an individual;

2. If the co-parent starts dating someone or gets married, do not criticize that new person to your child.  Children need to form their own opinions and build their own relationships;

3. Do not cancel out on parenting time if you can avoid it. Things happen: people get sick, work runs late and emergencies happen. Cancellations should be the exceptions, not the standard;

4. Do not set rules in your home that are drastically different from the home they have with your co-parent. Will there be some minor differences? Of course. The best things for a child are stability, structure and predictability. It doesn’t make a huge difference if one home eats at 5pm versus 6pm, but bed times that are hours apart will create a grumpy and confused child;

5. Do not spoil your children too much during your parenting time. It’s really tempting to be the “fun parent,” especially if you are not with your child on a daily basis. Kids do not love you because you sneak them extra cookies (though many grandparents would disagree);

6. Do not leave your homework to the other parent. Almost nobody enjoys Common Core math but chances are good that one parent doesn’t mind it as much as the other. Work together to use your talents, skills and knowledge whenever possible. Your children will benefit academically and they will know that both parents make them a top priority;

7.  Do not ignore your children when you have time with them. Consider playing XBox WITH your child instead of just letting them sit in the basement alone. Quality time is almost more important than quanity;

8. Do not forget to have fun together while also teaching life lessons. Chores are not really fun, but they are important and can be done together. Teach your child to mow the lawn, do laundry and other life skills, then celebrate a job well done together; and

9. Do not introduce your child to ever person that you date. If you are serious with someone, it might be appropriate that your child gets to know this new person. Before you introduce that person to your child, talk with the other parent and the child to let them know that this is going to happen so that everyone can support the child emotionally. If your child is not comfortable meeting someone, take that cue and wait. When you do make an introduction, keep it light and short. Allow your child and your person to develop a relationship on their own and at their own pace.

 

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Kanye.

Kanye.

It’s very odd to sit down and write a newsletter about Kanye West. Sure, some of his songs are pretty catchy. Yes, he is super famous and his family is every where on social media. Normally, we don’t think about him at all though BUT his recent, erratic behavior makes him worth discussing from a legal perspective.

In case you have been cut off from social media and traditional news, West has experiencing some animated, manic behaviors as of late. His wife has confirmed that he is bipolar and his behavior suggests that West is currently manic and off of medications which would control the extreme range of behavior.

Rumors are spreading quickly that a divorce is on the horizon. If a divorce does happen, we would expect that there will be a discussion about custody of the children and some bumps in the divorce process (even if there is a prenuptial agreement).

Mental Health May Have an Effect on the Divorce Process 
The courts will not force someone to stay married to anyone, including a person with a mental health condition; however, the process is often a bit more of a roller coaster.
1. Concern over physical safety during the process and when that person lives alone. Depending on the person’s condition, he or she may be more likely to harm themselves or others. There are safe guards and orders that can be put into place to keep everyone as safe as possible;
2. Financial needs of the person with mental health concerns may require that a greater portion of the marital assets be allocated to him or her. Alimony may also be necessary if he or she is unable to work or has significant medical expenses; and
3. The process itself may take longer.  The person may not participate because they can’t find the strength to do so; this can be extremely frustrating for a party who just wants to get through the process as quickly as possible.

Mental Health May Have an Effect on Child Custody.
The courts evaluate each case individually to assess the best interest of the child(ren), which may include a variety of factors related to mental health of a parent:
1. Whether the condition is a short term matter or a lifelong condition;
2. Whether the parent  is actively committed to her treatment or therapeutic plan;
3. Whether the parent’s ability to care for himself or herself is compromised by the condition;
4. Whether and how the condition of the parent effects the safety and overall best interest of the child(ren) and their general safety; and
5. Whether the condition is being caused by use or abuse of drugs.

As always, please let us know if you have any questions regarding how mental health effects child custody and divorce or anything else.
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Cute Little Socks with Ruffles

Long ago, in a law school not far away, Mark Lawton taught Juvenile Law at New England School of Law. He was giving a lecture and, as usual, was sharing stories from his time as a judge. Usually quite animated anyways, his face lit up when he started talking about adoptions and described the typical scene in the courtroom: photos being taken, laughter, bow ties and cute little socks with ruffles.*

 

Judge Lawton (ret.) was 100% correct. Adoption Day *is* very different than others that occur in the courts. The court room is closed to anyone not directly involved and sometimes the judges will let the kids play with their gavel or spin in their chair during proceedings. We have even seen judges play hide and seek in the court room with the kids! Honestly, the hearing is usually a lot of fun because people are in a good mood and the biggest concern is who is taking photographs.

 

Getting to Adoption Day is a bit of a journey. Massachusetts has specific laws and procedures that must be followed; our laws might overlap with the laws of the biological parents if they are not Massachusetts residents but the laws and procedures of both states must then be followed.

 

What to expect if you are considering adopting in Massachusetts:

  1. Massachusetts does not require a minimal age or marital status. ** of the prospective parents;
  2. Any person who is younger than the prospective parent can be adopted, with some exceptions, like current spouse, sibling, aunt or uncle. Some people have tried to use this broad language to manipulate financing for higher education but many lenders have become aware of this activity and handle accordingly, including allegations of fraud;
  3. Adults and children over the age of 12 must offer consent to the adoption;
  4. Massachusetts allows for prospective parents to pay reasonable birth expenses of the biological mother. All expenses will be reviewed by the court prior to the adoption to make sure that they are reasonable (ie. pregnancy messages may be considered reasonable but granite counters would not). Adoption Disruption Insurance or Risk Sharing Programs may be available and provide some financial stability for the adoptive parents should the adoption plan be disrupted or ended for any reason;
  5. Prospective parents must be approved by a professional licensed to do a  home study. The family will have background checks done, as well as family interviews and home inspections;
  6. Biological parents must wait at least four (4) days to give consent for the adoption;
  7. The parties may agree to an “open adoption.” If the parties want to, they may agree that there is an opportunity for the biological parents to get occasional photos, updates and sometimes even an annual visit. These agreements may also allow for adoptive parents to reach out with questions about genetic conditions or if the child ever asks to meet or communicate with the biological parent. Adopted children do not automatically have a right to access identifying information about his or her biological parent(s) and need to show good cause to access that information. *** and
  8. When a biological parent consents to an adoption, it does not terminate the duty to financially support that child. Yes, you read that correctly. Although the law as written is actually silent on the matter, it was determined by the courts that the public policy reasons behind the law allow for enforcement; child support is most often enforced when a biological parent surrenders custody to the other biological parent (ie. Biological Mom surrenders to biological Dad and his wife).

 

* You may not be surprised to know that this is not the typical scene in courtrooms. Often there are crowded benches, frowning faces, tension and harsh words.

** In 1993, the SJC determined that the statute did not preclude same sex cohabitants from jointly adopting a child (Adoption of Tammy,416 Mass. 205 (1993).

*** This was determined by Fineberg v. Suffolk Div. of Probate and Family Court Dept., 38 Mass. App. Ct. 907 (1995).

 

**** As determined by Adoption of Marlene, 443 Mass. 494 (2005).

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Twitter.




We hope that this email finds you safe and healthy. If you are like most of the United States, you are watching more television than ever during the Covid pandemic. Have you noticed how many people are broadcasting live from their homes? If so, have you taken note of the adorable pets, crazy paint colors and amazing kitchens? We certainly have!

Not surprisingly, Twitter has been a hot spot for commentary on what is happening in the world. If you need some amusement, check out the tweets from Room Rater @ratemyskperoom. The tweets have become so popular that they were even highlighted on the Today Show:

today.com/popculture/twitter-account-ruthlessly-judging-celebrity-homes-tv-t179194 .

As always, please let us know if we can assist you in any way. Please continue to stay safe.

John & Faye

**** Please note that we have moved. Effective as of 4/13/2020, our office is now located at 491 Mt. Hope Street, North Attleboro. ****


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Home, Home, What’s Your Range?

The real estate market is so hot right now. Last month looked like mid summer in terms of activity, which is unheard of but also a very positive sign for spring (especially since interest rates just went down more)!

We would be lying if we said it was one demographic group coming through our doors. We are seeing younger, older, single and married individuals, as well as first time homeowners, people buying second homes or investment properties, as well as refinances, new construction and flips!

There is not one mortgage type that is a “one size fits all” for these situations. Realtor.com published a great article about the different types available:

www,realtor.com/advice/finance/types-of-mortgages

If you have questions regarding mortgages (or need contact information for an awesome loan officer), please feel free to reach out to us!

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