,

Bliss.

Love and marriage, love and marriageGo together like a horse and carriageThis I tell you brotherYou can’t have one without the otherLove and marriage, love and marriageIt’s an institute you can’t disparageAsk the local gentryAnd they will say it’s elementaryTry, try, try to separate themIt’s an illusionTry, try, try, and you will only comeTo this conclusionLove and marriage, love and marriageGo together like a horse and carriageDad was told by motherYou can’t have one without the other– Frank SinatraOne of our kids recently asked, “Why do people get married?”  The obvious answer is love, but people actually marry for different reasons. Often, when people are young, they marry for love, the celebration and the hope dream of happily ever after life.   As they get older, people marry for different reasons, including security.Being married does come with some financial benefits. Not only are there often tax advantages, but also pensions, social security, medical insurance and similar benefits. To the contrary, some people do not marry for opposite reasons, such as maintaining a death benefit receiving from a deceased spouse.   Many people don’t realize how important these financial implications are until they are separating and they become more of a consideration.There are also legal benefits to being married. While we will always recommend that individuals have their estate plan in place, being married may also allow for  any next of kin privileges at hospitals (including decision making and visitation),  paternity/ maternity rights,  as well as coverage under the Family Medical Leave Act. One of the most interesting parts of helping establish a Prenuptial Agreement is that it causes people to think about these things before they are married; however, more often than not, we find that people don’t really think about them until they are in their golden years or contemplating divorce. As always, please let us know if we can help you in any way. Warm wishes for a healthy and prosperous 2022.John & Faye

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A Solid NO.

A Solid NO.

Pretty much every time that we talk about child custody or parenting, the phrase “Best Interest of the Child” is either uttered or written. If you have been divorced within the last decade or so, you have attended a parent education class which focuses on co-parenting.

We can actually tell a lot about our clients depending on how they react to the parenting class. Great parents seem to take the class hoping to gain some ideas and bad parents often think that the information doesn’t apply to them.

The principles should be basic but we want to share them nonetheless. If you are a co-parent, there are things that you should never ever do:

1. Never talk negatively about your co- parent. Your child loves both parents and, if you talk trash about their other parent, they will potentially internalize it as disapproval of who they are as an individual;
2.  If the co- parent starts dating someone or gets married, do not criticize that new person to your child. Children need to form their own opinions and build their own relationships;
3. Do not cancel out on parenting time if you can avoid it. Things happen: people get sick, work runs late and emergencies happen. Cancellations should be exceptions, not the standard;
4. Do not set rules in your home that are drastically different from the home they have with your co- parent. Will there be some minor differences? Of course. The best things for a child are stability, structure and predictability. It probably doesn’t make a huge difference if one home eats at 5pm versus 6pm, but bed times that are hours apart will create a grumpy and confused child;
5. Do not spoil your children too much during your parenting time. It’s really tempting to be the “fun parent,” especially if you are not with your child on a daily basis. Kids do not love you because you sneak them extra cookies (though many grandparents would disagree);
6. Do not leave all homework to the other parent. Almost nobody enjoys Common Core math  but chances are that one parent doesn’t mind it as much as another. Work together to use your talents, skills and knowledge whenever possible. Your children will benefit academically and they will that both parents make them their top priority;
7. Do not ignore your children when you have time with them. Consider playing Xbox WITH your child instead of just letting them sit in the basement alone. Quality time is always more important than quantity;
8. Do not forget to have fun together while also teaching life lessons.  Chores are not really fun, but they are important and can be done together. Teach your child to mow the lawn, do laundry and other life skills, then celebrate a job well done together;
9. Do not introduce your child to every person that you date. If you are serious with someone, it might be appropriate that your child gets to know this new person.  Before you introduce that person to your child, talk with the other parent and the child to let them know that it is going to happen so that everyone can support the child emotionally. If your child is not comfortable meeting someone, take that cue and wait. When you do make an introduction, keep it light and short. Allow your child and your person to develop a relationship on their own and at their own pace.

As always,  please let us know if you have any questions about this or any other legal matters.

Regards,
John & Faye
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,

She Works Hard for the Money

Work Hard for the $$$.

“Nine a.m. on the hour hand
And she’s waiting for the bell
And she’s looking real pretty
Just wait for her clientele
She works hard for the money
So hard for it, honey”

-Donna Summer

We never really loved the song “She Works Hard for the Money” when it was released waaaaay back in 1983. Don’t get us wrong: we love Donna Summer*; she had a set of pipes on her like no other.

When we listened to the song recently, we started thinking about what our clients go through if and when they go back to work post-divorce. While many parties have worked throughout their marriage, quite a few have opted to stay at home to raise children or to keep the home in order.

Several things may determine whether a spouse who has not worked during the marriage will go back into the workplace, including:
1. The age of the person;
2. Whether the person wants to go back to work (ie. social interaction, intellectual stimulation, wanting to use their education, needing something to do, etc); OR
3. Whether the person needs to go back to work to support themselves, get insurance or maintain a home.

Going back to work can turn out to be a very good thing. It can build confidence, self esteem and will usually make for some great stories regardless of job or career. Divorce Magazine has some great thoughts on this topic too:

https://www.divorcemag.com/blog/returning-to-work-after-divorce-doesnt-have-to-be-scary

As always, please let us know if you have any questions regarding this or any other legal matter.

Warm regards,
John & Faye

* Fun fact: While writing this newsletter, we sat trying to decide whether “Hot Stuff” or “Dim all the Lights” was our favorite Donna Summer song of all time. What do YOU think?

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Gates.



We can’t tell you how often we’ve been at a party or event and someone is talking about a pending legal matter. At some point during the conversation, someone will often say that the person should work with us; more often than not, we are either already their attorney or we have connected them with their attorney. We cannot confirm or deny whether we work with someone unless they volunteer the information. That said, we will disclose with some reasonable comfort that we are not working with Bill & Melinda Gates on their divorce but we do potentially know something about their situation.

Rumor has it that the Gates’ do not have a Prenuptial Agreement. Knowing nothing about the validity of that statement or the law in the State of Washington, we wonder if they didn’t sign a Prenuptial figuring that it would be deemed unreasonable at the time of divorce anyways. In Massachusetts, Prenuptial Agreements are scrutinized in two steps:

1. Was the Agreement reasonable at the time that it was signed by the parties?
The court will determine if the terms were reasonable at the time that the Agreement was made. If the terms of the Agreement are objectively unfair and without reason, any specific term could be overturned.

2. Are the terms of the Agreement still reasonable and fair at the time of the divorce?
Even if the terms of the Agreement were fair at the time of signing, they may still be objectively unfair at the time of divorce. For instance, if one party had agreed to provide health insurance to the family but the other has been providing it for most of the marriage OR alimony was agreed to by the parties but is no longer needed, it may not be reasonable or fair to uphold a term of the Agreement . To the contrary, one party may have become ill during the marriage and has a greater financial need than expected, making alimony necessary where it was waived prior.

If the State of Washington applies same two step analysis, the Gates’ may have figured that any terms that they signed 20+ years ago may not be reasonable now given the expectation that Microsoft would continue to skyrocket in value.* At the time of the marriage, Bill Gates had approximately ten billion dollars. Imagine that the parties had agreed that Belinda Gates would get four billion dollars at the time of a potential divorce. Was that fair then? Sure. Would that be fair now? Probably not (keeping in mind that four billion dollars is still a LOT of money) because his current estimated net worth is 130 billion dollars. While these numbers are insane to think about for the average person, it is their reality and the same rule would apply to the more typical family also.

As always, please let us know if we can help you in any way.

Warm regards,
John & Faye

* They could have also agreed to terms that accounted for massive growth, whether in dollar value or percentage.

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Planning for Your Marriage.

 

 

What a long century 2020 and early 2021 have been. Since Covid entered our lives approximately a year ago, we have all changed some aspect of our thinking and our behaviors. Some people have become genuinely more compassionate while others struggle with unbearable of levels of anxiety and depression. Many have focused on ordering (and tipping) on take out from local resturants or supporting small, local businesses.  Most of us have missed life events, like graduations, bar mitzvahs and weddings which have been replaced by smaller, more intimate ceremonies which might only allow for remote attendance.

One of the most interesting aspects of smaller weddings is the focus on the marriage, rather than the event; we have often said that doing this would actually decrease the divorce rate, because marriage is about so much more than a gorgeous dress.  We have noticed that more engaged couples seem to be spending their time having real, meaningful conversations about what being married means and establishing a plan for their life together.

Many couples don’t really discuss the real details life and future together before they got married; did you?

A lot of people will answer no to that question. I asked someone yesterday and he responded that they discussed that they both thought important that she stay home and raise their children but that seemed to be the extent of where the conversation ended.

As we have said often and consistently, prenuptial agreements are one of our favorite types of matters to handle. It is fascinating to observe as they navigate cooperation and negotiation, both of which are essential for a successful marriage. Among the topics that we typically challenge them to ponder and discuss:

  • Existing debt, including school loans or mortgages;
  • Credit scores;
  • Trust fund from which they draw income and  what they do with those funds;
  • Allocation of  household expenses;
  • If there will be children, expectation about private verus public schools and if someone will stay home to raise them or use day care;
  • Purchase or leasing of autombiles (ie cash, financing, type, frequency);
  • Future hope of travel (ie the cost of an annual trip weeklong trip to Maine is very different than a month in Europe);
  • Annual income;
  • Annual expenses;
  • Current savings, checking and investments;
  • Theory on investing (ie. Is one a risk taker and the other more conservative?);
  • Theory on saving (ie Does one like to spend and the other likes to save?); and
  • Comparison of health insurance plans regarding the cost availability for the spouse and children.

There are other things to consider as well, including some found in this article:
25 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married (msn.com)

As always, please feel free to contact us if we can assist you in any way.

Warm regards,
John & Faye

 

 

 

 

 

 
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