We recently asked on our Facebook page for suggestions of songs that might inspire a newsletter and someone suggested Mama I’m Coming Home by Ozzy Osbourne. What a great song and excellent suggestion!
Our minds immediately started going in different directions. Rather than focus on just one of the topics, we’re going to share the variety of thoughts that we had when we started pondering what to write.
Our first thought was directly related to the person who offered the suggestion and who happens to be an adoptive parent. We are fully aware that the song is not about adoption; however, when we read the comment, we could “hear” little voices, excited to find their forever home with their Mama.
We believe that the intended meaning of the song is related to being welcomed “home” after significant personal struggle, including addiction and infidelity. So often, we see couples struggle to figure out how to rebuild a relationship and regain some level of trust. Some couples can work through it, but not always. It’s a personal decision, but one that we see clients struggle with all the time.
There is a very fine line between “how was your visit” and “tell me everything that you did” when a child returns home from parenting time. While the linguistic difference may be slight, there is a different, understated tone that can create stress for a child or the imply intrusiveness by a co-parent. Believe it or not, this is one of the most frequently discussed reasons for frustration amongst co-parents and the primary reason that parenting classes exist.*
Of course, there is the reality of Ozzy’s health; clearly, Ozzy is not well and his quality of life is quite poor. We suspect that the song took on a deeper meaning last week, whether religious or spiritual, as he returned home after his last performance ever and looked towards his final days.
Posts
A while back, we noticed that an acquaintance was frequently posting on social media about her divorce and her (soon to be) ex husband She was likely just venting or looking for support from her “friends;” however, this over sharing was public for all to see without any sense of boundaries or common sense. After seeing a few posts, it made sense to provide some unsolicited legal advice that her sharing was, in fact, a really bad idea.
You see, everything that you post or share can be used in a court. Even if someone is not your “friend,” they may be able to find the information pretty easily with a quick Google or Duck search. Similarly, it’s possible that someone who was loyal to the husband passed the information along to the husband by taking a simple screen shot of a “public” or “private” post. Either way, if the attorney for the husband got hold of those posts, he or she likely had a field day with them.
We continue to be surprised by what people post on social media. In the past, we’ve uncovered plenty of dirt on our clients and their exes without being “friends” with them. You can’t afford to pay your child support? Perhaps posting photos of you on vacation is not the best idea. You’re trying to sell three (3), never used Louis Vuitton’s or 20 set of shampoo and conditioner on a yard sale site? Probably not a good idea either, especially if you or your new significant other have been alleged to have committed armed robbery. Yes, we have seen all of these happen.
Social media posts also provide an opportunity for someone to use your information fraudulently. We cringe whenever someone posts their Covid vaccination cards, year of graduation or other personal information. You want to share that you are vaccinated? Awesome but show your sticker or at least cover up you birth date and batch number. Want to play a game that involves your year of high school graduation? Fun, but you’ve now just provided the world your age and likely the name of the town in which you were raised. By providing this personal information, you’ve now made it easier for someone to steal your identity. It’s that easy.
Do you want to know more? Check out this article:
https://www.divorcemag.com/blog/social-media-and-divorce-what-you-need-to-know
2016 was the year of “celebrity” deaths. One passing that went fairly unnoticed was Richard Trentlage, who wrote the Oscar Meyer Wiener song.
Let’s be totally honest: growing up with a name like “Faye Weiner” can be a challenge. Nobody ever knows how to pronounce or spell it and more than every once in a while, someone will sing that catchy song to you like it’s the first time that anyone has ever thought of doing it.
Having a unique name can be rich with family history and personality; however, if you want to change your name, it is very easy to do through legal proceeding.
The most common type of procedure involves a change of marital status. At the time of marriage or divorce, Massachusetts law allows a person to change surname. You cannot force someone to change their surname; however, there is a growing trend of individuals who strongly want their (soon to be) ex-spouse relinquish their married name at the time of divorce. A while back we posted an article on Facebook and Twitter discussing this topic:
https://www.facebook.com/pg/Wjslegal/posts
https://twitter.com/WJSlegal
We often see our clients struggle with their post-divorce surname; the biggest reasons that we hear are concerns about having the same last name as the children, avoiding the process of changing all accounts and legal documents, as well as easier recognition within the community. Either using your married or maiden name is acceptable and common.
Absent change of marital status, all you need is an original birth certificate, a completed petition to the probate and family court in your county, and a filing fee. Once the documents and fee are submitted, you need to attend a quick judicial hearing. It’s that easy.
….and for those who actually read to the end of this blog, a quick history lesson: the actual last name “Weiner” is pronounced differently depending from where your ancestors migrated. In this case, the family name is related to wine producers (aka “Wine-er”) in European vineyards.
There are some days on the calendar that we all recognize as holidays (even if we don’t celebrate them): December 25th, October 31st and July 4th; however, there many obscure “National Days” of which you are probably not aware. For instance, did you know that May 19th in National Devil’s Food Cake Day or that August 5th is National Underwear day? Chances are good that you have no idea that the first Monday after New Year’s, when everyone returns to work, is considered by many people to be National Divorce Day.
Divorce Day has become a “thing” over the last couple of decades. Nobody is truly sure what it is about that date that makes it such an attractive time to call an attorney to start the divorce process. It could be seasonal depression, conflict over the holidays, or just wanting to follow a different path in the new year. While nobody gets married hoping that their marriage ends in divorce, it is, unfortunately, a reality for approximately half of the population in any given year.
Divorce is not always terrible ending. We always tell people that divorce is a legal transaction that involves a “math problem, (aka figuring out who gets what)” and making sure that the children are in the best environment possible; when parties can focus on those two things, not the emotion and drama, everyone is happier.
Some of our favorite cases are divorces because it can bring out the best in people. We see people work together, focus on their children, and follow the path towards an alternative happy ending. One of our favorite moments ever occurred right after one couple had their Separation Agreement approved by the judge as they hugged and walked out arm in arm. We often see parents make plans to take their children out for dinner together the night that they are divorced to remind their children that they are still a family. While this is not necessarily the norm, it is certainly the ideal.
What else is ideal? Celebrating April 14th as National Ex-Spouse Day.
Whatever winter holidays you chose to celebrate, we wish you a very happy holiday season. As always, please visit our website www.wjslegal.com or call us at (508)319-1529 for more information.
“No one really knows how the
Parties get to yessssss
The pieces that are sacrificed in
Ev’ry game of chessssss
We just assume that it happens
But no one else is in
The room where it happens.”
-Lin Manuel Miranda
I have a friend who lives in a charming town located a couple of hours outside of London, England. She lived in the United States for some time and still has an acute interest in what happens here. I recently asked her about how her local friends, family and colleagues perceived our President- Elect, Donald Trump. Part of her response included this inquiry, “Giving some states more votes doesn’t seem fair. Surely one person, one vote works best?”
Electoral and popular votes usually point in the same direction, but not always. Regardless of whether you favor it, the process was established by the Founding Fathers many, many years ago. We have journals and drafts which documented their process, but nobody knows for sure what fully happened in the negotiating sessions. There are two primary theories to why the Electoral College was created:
The most known theory is that it was developed to balance the influence of the small states with the larger ones. Current sub-beliefs are that that the process was developed to account for the slave population in the South. Although slaves were unable to vote, inclusion of them greatly increased a state’s population (even though they were only counted as 3/5 of a person), the state’s representation in Congress and their number of electoral votes.
An alternative theory, and the one recognized by the National Achieves and Records Administration, is that the Founding Fathers created the Electoral College as part of the Constitution as a compromise. Many historians believe that there were heated arguments about how a President should be selected. The exclusive group, which included Alexander Hamilton, George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and James Madison, argued whether Congress should appoint a President or qualified citizens should be allowed to vote.
More likely than not, the reasoning of the Founding Fathers was a combination of both reasons. We will probably never know the full story, because none of us were in the room where it happened.
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